Dating Exit Interview

Maybe it's the student affairs nerd in me, but I think when two people stop dating, both parties should participate in an exit interview. Assessment nerdish; I know, but hear me out.

For my student affairs brothers and sisters, when you host an event or program, you want to know from the attendees their thoughts, opinions, and knowledge learned from the experience. Right? Why wouldn't you want that information about what it was like to date you? Granted, you can't change aspects about yourself because someone didn't like that about you. Hell, in most cases, why would you want to?! You are who you are. However, there's the slight chance that there's something you say, or a habit of yours that potentially is a turn off to someone you may be dating. Maybe that trait only comes out when you're dating. How else are you going to know that on a date you subconsciously hum show tunes when you play miniature golf, or display an awkward facial expression when you're actually trying to convey an attentive facial expression?

I'm pretty sure I've got the two-date-maximum curse. The last three people I've dated (with the exception of a fourth, who after the first date I put the kibosh on), I have not made it beyond a second date. Most recently, I got a text in response to a voicemail I left asking about dinner plans later in the week. The text read, "... Listen, its been fun hanging out but i don't think this is going to work out."

Do I need a reason? Absolutely not. We were no-where close to being serious; We hadn't dated for very long... two dates (remember?). I could just write it off as her not feeling any chemistry. Yet, part of me really just wants to know "Why?"

Can't there be an independent third party who, after the split, contacts both parties and asks them to complete an exit survey? No "fluff" questions. Just the basic (for the "breaker"):

1. What were your reasons choosing not to continue to date the other person?
2. What, if any, were turn-offs for you about this person?
3. What, if any, were actions taken by the other person that were appealing to you?
4. You hope to: 

               a. never see this person again.
               b. run into the person in a few years and see what happens.
               c. run into the person when the circumstances are just right to be friends.

I think the whole single and dating population could benefit from this! Or maybe... I'm just trying to break the curse of maxing out at two dates.

Jhalak

I just got home from an event on campus. The Indian Culture Association hosted Jhalak at the Hogg Memorial Auditorium. The event consisted of performances from students that involved singing and dancing. Not surprising! Though I had to cut out early, the performances were awesome.

Tonight's event was the first student event I've attended that didn't take place between the hours of 8 a.m. and 5 p.m. at UT. I regret that it's taken 3 months, but of the firsts there could have been, I'm glad I it turned out this was my first because tonight's was sick! It's not just because of my job that I'm so student oriented. During my undergrad at WMU, I was thankful when faculty and staff made it out to an event I was hosting. As for tonight, I'm glad that my student from the student organization Punjabbawockeez invited me multiple times, and that my mentor invited me to go.

Now that I'm home, I'm pretty tuckered out. Sure, I cleaned up a little dog puke, but what's a Friday night without dog puke? Am I right, or am I right?

sterile

This evening inn my Basic Techniques in Counseling class, I presented a 10 minute excerpt from a recorded role play in which I was a helping a student. This is a required activity of our class so that we can analyze our techniques. After I had shown the 10 minute clip, I received feedback from my cohort and our counseling instructor. Now, I could share all the feedback offered, but I'll spare you, the reader, and address one comment that my class agreed upon. Here goes...

In my role as a "helper," my statements and questions were both logical and thoughtful, but they were... "sterile." "Sterile?" you ask. Yes. It's true. Where as this may come as a shock to EVERYONE who knows me, I can allow my persona to be sterile. There's a perfectly good explanation for this.

Most of us will change our demeanor based on our audience. Your language, demeanor, or even character can change depending upon whom you are around. For example, the language I would use and topics of discussion would be very different if I were speaking to my fraternity brothers, versus speaking with the old ladies at church. The same was applicable with my last job working in college admissions. The content of my speech would certainly be different if I were talking to an auditorium of high school juniors than a library of their parents. In my role play recording, I was in a staged "counseling" session, myself and my client were acting, his problems were fictitious, we were being recorded, and I knew there was a criteria I was being judged upon. My preparation, language, demeanor, and my lack of clarity with my thoughts were a result of this particular activity. I focused so much on the content of my dialog, the task list of talking points, and the demonstration of counseling techniques learned resulted in a sterile presentation of who I am.

I had struggled with this in interviews. Here I was trying to put my best foot forward, saying the "right things" that fit the mold of what the employer was looking for. It wasn't a real representation of who I was. I was trying to get the job. Taking a very cookie cutter approach to showing how I fit the job description. Needless to say, those interview produced little in the way of employment. What I had worked on was knowing that I was already a good fit for the job, and in the interview demonstrating I was the right personality for their office. (Or realizing that I wasn't!) Being professional is great, but having personality is what will seal the deal.

Another unfortunate example is a recent couple of dates with a PYT. Naturally, I thought, "Put your best foot forward. Show you meet the qualifications." Though I managed to show more personality towards the ladder half of our first date which produced a second, I fell back into the pre-molded qualification focused mindset. The result? A sterile, boring, Reedo Burrito, and no 3rd date. Could there be other factors? Sure, but I played a role in my demise.

Where does that leave me? Wanting a third date... but also being cognizant of showing my true personality when it comes to matters of interpersonal communication. People don't like me because I am an outstanding professional (I am), or a dynamic speaker (I am not), but because of my personality, humor, genuinenity, wordsmithing, Filipinoness, and charm. My instructor described what was missing in that video clip was "warmth." With the consensus of the class, she pointed out that people would describe me as "warm," but that wasn't how they'd describe who I was in the clip. I still kicked ass on the presentation.

Here's to me, hopefully doing a better job of being me.

Wake Ups

I woke up with awesome bedhead this morning. I sleep with my pillows in a way that allows for tactful molding of my hair. It's not even the front of my hair (it never is). It is in the back, most often on my right side that fans out... and it gets some good height! Luckily, Shemp, my dog, is the only one who sees me first thing in the morning. He's too focused on waking my ass up to take him out to pee that he doesn't give a damn. He's got the subtle whine that he does that because we've had him for so many years, I automatically wake up when I hear him doing it. This morning, I tried to lay completely still so that he thought I wasn't waking, but he knew. That son of a bitch knew! Unfortunately, If I have to walk him, my neighbors get to see the awesomeness that is my sweet hair. Lucky them.

What's on my agenda for today? Not too sure anymore. I don't think dinner plans are any longer an option, but I do think I'll attend a fraternity initiation at Texas State. Today should also involve studying. Darn you grad school for taking my lazy Sundays away from me!

And that's a wrap. I'm gonna finish drinking my tea, and postpone doing anything of importance for as long as I can put it off. Cheers!

... surprise ...

I really wanted to wait until May 2011 for my next post, but decided to post today after seeing someone else's blog post. I know "else's" isn't a word, back off.

So, what do I post about today? I got nothin'! I'm just sick and tired thinking about how my last blog post was about how I invented the question-mark. Trues story. However, that story is now irrelevant, like throw pillows on beds (hella dumb).

I'd rather you follow me on Twitter. I tweet almost every fricken day. The limit of 140 characters is more appealing to my laziness. Plus, I have an audience of 360 followers versus the who-the-hell-knows-or-cares-how-many-there-are-of-you who at one point may or may not have read this blog. Granted, of those 360, some are lookin' to sell something that I AIN'T gonna buy. There are some individuals, even other than friends, that I engage with. Again, there's reasons why I prefer Twitter over this.

Now, I was at one point quite interested in the 20somethings blogger deal, but again. I fell of the wagon and wasn't willing to commit (which is weird because I don't have problems with "commitment"). The fact of the matter is, I know I wont keep up with this so be shocked when something pops up here. But be prepared for the lackluster.

Origins of the "Question Mark"

The name "question mark" was coined in the late 1900s by Reed Rallojay.

Represent!

Reedo Burrito, the Friendly...