This evening inn my Basic Techniques in Counseling class, I presented a 10 minute excerpt from a recorded role play in which I was a helping a student. This is a required activity of our class so that we can analyze our techniques. After I had shown the 10 minute clip, I received feedback from my cohort and our counseling instructor. Now, I could share all the feedback offered, but I'll spare you, the reader, and address one comment that my class agreed upon. Here goes...In my role as a "helper," my statements and questions were both logical and thoughtful, but they were... "sterile." "Sterile?" you ask. Yes. It's true. Where as this may come as a shock to EVERYONE who knows me, I can allow my persona to be sterile. There's a perfectly good explanation for this.
Most of us will change our demeanor based on our audience. Your language, demeanor, or even character can change depending upon whom you are around. For example, the language I would use and topics of discussion would be very different if I were speaking to my fraternity brothers, versus speaking with the old ladies at church. The same was applicable with my last job working in college admissions. The content of my speech would certainly be different if I were talking to an auditorium of high school juniors than a library of their parents. In my role play recording, I was in a staged "counseling" session, myself and my client were acting, his problems were fictitious, we were being recorded, and I knew there was a criteria I was being judged upon. My preparation, language, demeanor, and my lack of clarity with my thoughts were a result of this particular activity. I focused so much on the content of my dialog, the task list of talking points, and the demonstration of counseling techniques learned resulted in a sterile presentation of who I am.
I had struggled with this in interviews. Here I was trying to put my best foot forward, saying the "right things" that fit the mold of what the employer was looking for. It wasn't a real representation of who I was. I was trying to get the job. Taking a very cookie cutter approach to showing how I fit the job description. Needless to say, those interview produced little in the way of employment. What I had worked on was knowing that I was already a good fit for the job, and in the interview demonstrating I was the right personality for their office. (Or realizing that I wasn't!) Being professional is great, but having personality is what will seal the deal.
Another unfortunate example is a recent couple of dates with a PYT. Naturally, I thought, "Put your best foot forward. Show you meet the qualifications." Though I managed to show more personality towards the ladder half of our first date which produced a second, I fell back into the pre-molded qualification focused mindset. The result? A sterile, boring, Reedo Burrito, and no 3rd date. Could there be other factors? Sure, but I played a role in my demise.
Where does that leave me? Wanting a third date... but also being cognizant of showing my true personality when it comes to matters of interpersonal communication. People don't like me because I am an outstanding professional (I am), or a dynamic speaker (I am not), but because of my personality, humor, genuinenity, wordsmithing, Filipinoness, and charm. My instructor described what was missing in that video clip was "warmth." With the consensus of the class, she pointed out that people would describe me as "warm," but that wasn't how they'd describe who I was in the clip. I still kicked ass on the presentation.
Here's to me, hopefully doing a better job of being me.
