Sunday, September 21, 2008

Nightmare

I was at some sort of gathering. Possibly a party, but maybe just a bunch of people hanging out. Who knows? It was the start of my dream.

I was in what seemed to be an empty bedroom in a large house. In this room, the walls were white and left undecorated. The carpet was tan, much like the one in my room. In the room with me were four other people. All of them are friends or acquaintances from college. The girl, a friend and former work subordinate. One of the
guys, a volunteer trip compadre, former work subordinate, and the girl's current boyfriend. Another guy in the room played no other role than a guy who fits in with this crowd. The last guy is the focus of my dream's attention and the cause of the label of this post, "Nightmare."

We were all having friendly conversation, and try as I might I can not think of what exactly I was speaking about in this conversation. What I do know is that I was talking to the last guy. And what I had been saying was overheard by the rest of the room. As it turns out, what I had said struck a blow to the core of this guy. It was evident I had said something that no less than crushed him. I can recall observing his reaction and quickly trying to reverse what I had said, but it was too late. The others in the room looked at me with disgust and disappointment. Their verbals and non-verbals asked how I could be so inconsiderate. I continued to try and repair what damage I had made, dress what wounds I had reopened, all the while trying to recall what I had said to cause such trauma. But I could achieve none. There was an ocean of guilt that I felt I was drowning in. I turned to my friends seeking... anything but the reactions I was receiving. Each person I turned to voiced their disappointment and "How could you?"s.

The guy had left the room with my compadre. As I stood there feeling all alone, even with
the others in the room, I again tried to figure out what it was that I had said. As I struggled to find an answer the door to the room opened. It was my last supervisor. (In real life, she has no connection to this guy. They are both from different states and different stages of my life.) She came in for the sole purpose to tell me she "really expected more from me," and just as quick as she was in the room, she was gone.

Moments later I was conscious. Although I realized it was just a dream, I couldn't help but feel guilty for the deed I had done. But what was it? What had I said? And... why was I so incredibly warm? I was sweating. With eyes still closed I reach my hand to my forehead to find heat and perspiration. At this moment I also discovered the need to "take a leak." While in the bathroom I concluded that I needed a cool washcloth to put to my forehead for a while. It was still early and I was not done sleeping. I grabbed a clean washcloth from the closet and soaked it under cold water. I wrung it out walked back to bed and placed the cloth on my forehead. As I did, again... "What did I say?"

I fell asleep only to dream again. Luckily, my next dream had no connection to the first. (In fact, it involved pirates and gold treasure!) What caused this crazy dream. I thought it could have been the alcohol from the night before [1] [2] [3] [4], or possibly the Taco Cabana. Whatever the cause, I'm still without the answer to my dream.

Sorry, Mark!

No comments: